Boy, did they pick the wrong houshold

I got this in the mail:

"Blah blah, blah, survey on TV watchage, yadda, yadda, yadda..."

If only they knew what my TV looked like:

Hey, but don't let those rabbit-ears fool you--that old RCA is a lean, mean, multi-media MACHINE! I mean, just look at the wood panelling! Stand in awe of a remote-control that USED TO BE ABLE TO CHANGE THE CHANNELS, and TURN THE VOLUME UP AND DOWN! And check out that sweet late-nineties DVD player! Nothing but the best, I always say!

...

So, "nielsen," if that is your real name, why don't I just tell you the answers to your "special opportunity" right now--I don't like surveys.  I don't watch TV.  In fact, I think that TV is the mainstream media's way of brainwashing the masses with their hand-picked information and entertainment.  "The better to subjugate, you," and all that.  You lost me when FOX canceled Firefly.  If I decide to return your little white-and-blue envelope, don't expect any of the answers to be true.  Or even grounded in your plane of reality. 

And stop bugging me.